to my number one

it was early morning of June 5, a friday, when i got two text messages from my brother telling me that our lola just died. even before i got to read them, i already knew they carried the message, as the night before, i was several miles away, my mother had already informed me, through text messages, that my bedridden lola was looking for me.

i did not know what to feel at that moment. i love her very much. she was close to me. she raised me, guided me on my first times, while my own mother was busy with work. when i was in college, i'd always pray that she'd not go yet. bec if it had happened, i doubt if i would be whole again. i even wished then she'd outlive me, just so i would not feel the pain of losing her. she was my number one.

and she's gone.

it was a different situation now though. she was 88, and so frail. i did not even want to see much of her during the last few months of her life, bec i'd rather remember her as that chubby lola who would tell us WWII and ghost stories every night when my cousins and i were kids. i always insisted the ghost stories be told first, though.

after the stories, she would then set up the mosquito net in her room, so that i could sleep already. but she also knew that i would not sleep alone, and would rather wait for her at the top of the stairs while she rejoined my uncle, her son, downstairs for their nightly drinking session of "tuba."

yep, i shared a room with her. until i started high school.

she was still there even if i was already a grownup. cooked my breakfast and my lunch and dinner. the reason why i never really got to learn cooking bec there was always she who would do all the cooking for me. until we moved out from her house. still, the family came to see her every weekend.

she was also tough. my lolo died of a kidney malfunction in 1972, leaving her all 6 children in her care. and me, bec i always wanted to be with her.

it just upset me big time that i wasn't there in her deathbed when she finally left. she asked for me, but i was miles away. i still feel bad about it.

shortly after i got the news, i felt like flying from bohol to cebu to get home quick. 3 hours later, i was already looking at my lola's face. amazingly, i was seeing only the good years in it, the happy memories. yes, i was so glad that her face did not register a sad expression. she seemed happy to see me. i was happy to see her, too.

at 4pm of june 7, a sunday, we buried her. i stayed longer than the others so she would still have company even for a few minutes more. i did not want her to be alone.

but i had to leave, too. i dont memorize the verses in the bible, but i know, it was just her body that we buried. the moment that she slipped from this world, she has actually rejoined her husband and her drinking buddy, my uncle, who died in 2007, and the rest of her family who have gone ahead.

it was actually not a lonely journey for her. she is sure back in her tiptop shape, eager to see the people she also loves. that thought made the situation easy to bear.

and while she is reunited with her other loved ones in another world, those she left behind have also been brought back together, by her death. she should be smiling now.

for that, and for the love and care, and everything, i have no other words to say to you, my number one, but to THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

and, I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU.

i love you.