My life is pointless

Yesterday, a bloody Monday, I felt so bored at work so I went home at around 4PM, which is rare. I had been itching to watch Good Luck Chuck that day, but no one was interested to go out with me (I have so many friends from work and from the streets. Lol! But there was just no one who wanted to come with me that day, ambot nganu.). but fortunately, two of my childhood friends were also in the mood to watch a movie. So we went out that night. It’s a hilarious movie, I love Jessica Alba, but more than anything else, I felt great with just being inside the theater, with not a care about my uncombed hair, and my dirty feet in my equally dirty slippers. It’s like, I belong there. I't s almost the same feeling when I’m underwater. Even with the regulator crowding my mouth, I still make it a point to flash a smile to the fishes I meet. It’s weird, yes, but heck! But that's a selfish life.

I love to go out. You can even drag me to Timbuktu anytime of the day as long as my work is already done, and the trip is at your expense, I’m all yours. I feel the need to travel always, to go out and see the world, because that’s how I kill boredom. But after that, life is back to normal: pointless.

On workdays, I follow this routine: wake up at 9AM (M/L), take a bath, brush teeth, drink coffee, go to work. At work, check mails, surf the net for a while, do the real work, and eat or drink coffee in between work and chat with workmates. By 6/7PM, go home. At home, eat, brush teeth, prepare for bed, watch tv (only on Mondays and Tuesdays), and read the papers, then sleep. And it’s always the same everyday because no matter how I wish to change it, I can never bring myself to stop taking a bath or brushing my teeth. Seriously, I’m tired of doing both every damn day!

So it’s really pointless this way. I want change. I need to do some good in my life. Some direction before I get really old and bald and die. No, I don’t want to get applauded for my art. And no, I’m not getting married yet! Or I may never be going to that direction in this lifetime. Because I find that selfish too. Seriously. But, we can't tell.

My job makes me happy, alright. But it’s not about me. And I’m getting seriously frustrated.

I have no money. I want to do a lot of things for a lot of people who need these things. But I’m not rich.

Movies, coffee, being with friends and family definitely make me happy, but I think, I’m happier when I’m doing something.

But right now? I’m very hungry.