the now famous Inday Jokes

Grabbed from here.

The consistency was fine. But you see, it seems that the increased amount of sodium chloride affected the taste drastically and those actions are irreversible. I do apologize.

-nag-eexplain si inday kung bakit maalat ang ulam.

***
"Nurture others with positive truthful words, not words that hurt. It doesn't cost anything to do so. But mean what you say, and say what you mean. Do it everyday. This is one of the most obvious qualities of the most beloved people. If you cannot be generous financially, at least be generous with your words."

--sagot ni inday sa amo nya na di xa pinautang at minura-mura pa!

***

"Ipomea aquatica has become the constant ingredient to this Filipino delicacy which is very helpful in the digestion during the peristaltic process of the food we intake. Due to the continuous rain and floods, the harvest of the said vegetable has lessen the production in the market"

- sagot ni inday samin kung bakit walang KangKong sa nilutong sinigang

***
"I am solitary. I find it hard to succumb into slumber. Though the downpour of rain should've made it easy. This exuberent emotional glue i have for you,cannot besimply washed away. The multiplicity of what i feel for you is inevitable. This isn't platonic. It's real, true romance "

- INDAY, nag eemote sa may bintana, habang iniisip si dodong,ang bf nia..

***
"potatoes, wen consumed n der raw state, r rapidly converted 2 glucose dat raises insulin leve;s bcoz of its simple sugar...wen cooked in high temperature lyk french fries, dey produce large amoun of free radicals n d body causing aging, clotting, inflammation, cancer, w8 gai... 1 french fry is worse dan 1 cigarette

- inday (sagot nya sa amo nung tanungin xa kung bakit di sya nagluto ng french fries) nuritionist din pala si inday

***
" I stay awake in the coldness of the darkened sky contemplating why, for some reasons, has my emptinessmade itself manifests, extending to that niche where i wasgiven life and growth, that because of austerity i was made seperated from...."

-INDAY habang ndi makatulog dahil na-ho-homesick . =D

***
Heavy fire exerted by the stimulus affected the best conductor of heat which is the steel,causing the Oriza Sativa to change it's state of color,smell as well as the taste."
-sagot ni inday ng tanungin siya ng amo kung bakit nasunog ang sinaing.
Listening to the nonsense talk about someone's life is a pathetic way of entertainment..it doesn't contribute to the good of society..i hate character assassinators!..

- reklamo ni inday nang natsismis siya ng kapitbahay.

***
You'll never know wat u have til it's gone... And once u loose it, u can never get it back....

-si Inday na isnatchan sa quiapo!!!

***
Dear Mom,
Had i not been able to smell the salt, i must have collapsed moments ago. Junior has become a little monster to me. Remember the head accident he had? As if it wasn't enough, he was summoned by the principal of hil shabilly runned academe. Oh, such an erudite bunch of baboons! I never though being a governess can be such strenuous employ!Your daughter,Inday

Dear Inday,
Walanghiya ka! Magpadala ka ng pera! Nasa ospital ang nanay mo, dumugo ang ilong pagkabasa ng pesteng sulat mo!

--TATAY

***
Drunken shrimp and blue lobster meat with caviar served with milagrosa rice (red variety) and apricot sauce..
Vegetables in balsamic vinegar splashed with extra virgin olive oil ..
Lychee and peach salad with sour cream and cream cheese topped with lemon zests..

--mga baon ni junjun sa daycare na inihanda ni Inday. SOSYAL!!!

***
Ich bin jetzt berühmt geworden dürch diesen Pexer.Mach weiter so,das gefällt mir!!!
(naging sikat ako ngayon gawa ng pexer, pagpatuloy ninyo gusto ko yan)

--Si Inday marunong din pala maggerman!!

***
I believe that my trained skills and expertise in management with the use of standard tools, and my discipline and experience will contribute significantly to the value of the work that you want, my creativity, productivity and work-efficiency and the high quality of outcomes I can offer will boost the work progress.

- sagot ni Inday sa interview ng bago niyang amo!

***
Compromising safety with useless aesthetics, the not-so-well engineered architectural design of our kitchen lavatory affected the boy's cranium with a slight boil at the left temple near the auditory organ.

- sagot ni Inday nang tanungin ng amo kung bakit may bukol si Junior.

***
The consistency was fine. But you see, it seems that the increased amount of sodium chloride (NaCl) affected the taste drastically and those actions are irreversible. I do apologize.

- nag-explain si Inday kung bakit maalat ang ulam.

***
Donya: Bakit tuwing paguwi ko, nadadatnan kitang nanunuod ng tv?!

Inday: Because I don't want you to see me doing absolutely nothing.

***

"It's absurd! It was never a fact that he will inflict a fight. I can only imagine how you handle schizophrenic kids on this educational institution. Revise your policies because they suck!"-

--Inday, kasama si Junior sa principal's office.

***
Amo: Inday, bakit nagkalat ang basura sa likod ng bahay?!

Inday: A change in the weather patterns might have occurred wrecking havoc to the surroundings. The way the debris are scattered indicates that the gust of wind was going northeast causing damage to the path it was heading for.

Amo: (nosebleed)

***
Stop your raucous behavior. It is bound to result in property damages and if that happens there will be corresponding punishment to be inflicted upon you!

-- si Inday, pinagbabawalan ang mga bata na maglikot.

***

Sometimes, people choose to leave not because of selfish reasons but because they just know that things will get worse if they'll stay. Leaving can be a tough act, and it's harder when people can't understand you for doing so.

-- sagot ni Inday kung bakit umalis si Angel Locsin sa GMA 7.

***
"To forrestall further hopes of acquaintance, my unfathomable statement to the denial of your request. Petition denied."
-- reply ni Inday nang i-text ni dodong kung pwede sya maging txtmate.

***

Amo: Inday bumili ka nga ng mga isda, ay oo nga pala, inglesera ka na ngayon, would you please buy many fishes for this week's meals?

Inday: Judging by your statement, I believe you meant a variety of fish. The term fishes though rarely used, connotes a plethora of different kinds of the said gilled aquatic creatures. But the most pressing question before I go to the wet market would be: what type of fish? Fillet or not? Frozen or fresh? (pauses) Ahh…given the meager budget afforded by this household's quasi-peasant class taste, I assume I shall source the staple "galewng-gong". Yes?

Amo: Eh kung mag-empake ka na kaya?!